


The Gods Envoy

by IsaacDowney



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Basically this is a fic about depression and its consequences on people and their entourage, Brotherhood: Final Fantasy XV, Depression, F/M, First fic ever where Prompto isn't an anxious mess lol, Hurt/Comfort, Ignis is a sad bean too, M/M, Multi, Noctis has been depressed all his life and isn't really expected to become a good King, Noctis is touchstarved but doesn't dare to reach out, Other, Strangers to Lovers, Teenagers, This is different than canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 03:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14583936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsaacDowney/pseuds/IsaacDowney
Summary: At eight, Noctis started wondering if life was worth it.At ten, he had recovered the use of his legs but they didn't bring him any joy, they had come at a high price; the destruction of Tenebrae and the imprisonment of his dearest friend Lunafreya.At twelve, he felt like a hundred. He was feeling like an old man who needed to sleep constantly. Sometimes he hoped he wouldn't wake up.On his fifteenth birthday, he seriously considered suicide but abandoned the idea rather quickly: there was still cake in the fridge.When he reached the age of seventeen, he decided that if at eighteen he didn’t have a reason to live, he would join deep-sea fishes in the ocean.Tomorrow will be his eighteenth birthday.It will also be the day he'll meet Prompto.





	1. Lavender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had seen everything this view had to offer.

**1.**

**Lavender**

 

 

At eight, Noctis started wondering if life was worth it.  
At ten, he had recovered the use of his legs but they didn't bring him any joy, they had come at a high price; the destruction of Tenebrae and the imprisonment of his dearest friend Lunafreya.  
At twelve, he felt like a hundred. He was feeling like an old man who needed to sleep constantly. Sometimes he hoped he wouldn't wake up.  
On his fifteenth birthday, he seriously considered suicide but abandoned the idea rather quickly: there was still cake in the fridge.  
When he reached the age of seventeen, he decided that if at eighteen he didn’t have a reason to live, he would join deep-sea fishes in the ocean.

Tomorrow was his eighteenth birthday.

The school bell rang. Noctis slowly put his notebooks and pencil case in his bag before leaving the classroom. Some of his classmates ran into him, hurriedly on their way out the door. He paid no attention and kept walking, dragging his heavy bag on the floor. It was all worn in the corners; Ignis was probably going to tell him to buy a new one. Noctis stopped to look through the hallway window. His Advisor was already here, in front of a rather discreet black car with tinted windows, awaiting the Prince’s arrival. Noctis procrastinated heading out until Ignis noticed him. The Advisor pushed his glasses up before tapping impatiently at his watch. Noctis tilted his head. He took his time to walk up to Mr. Scientia. Scientia; it was a really suitable name for Ignis. Science. He seemed to know everything. But, his middle name was Stupeo and it reminded him of the word stupid. Ignis was also kind of stupid, in his own way. Yeah, a really suitable name, Noctis thought as he stepped into the car.  
He didn't like long car rides. They were boring, mostly because Ignis was always taking the same road. He had seen everything this view had to offer. He still peered through the window anyway. An old habit, if he had to guess.  
The streets were busy with dozens of people, kids wearing oversized coats, cats wandering, happy smiles and loud laughs. It was cold outside. Noctis wondered why it hadn't snowed yet.

"It should snow soon, right? He asked Ignis.  
\- Probably, your Highness."

They were near the park now, almost deserted, if it was not for a couple of old people and a teenager taking photographs.

"It won't snow."

Ignis didn't answer. The car stopped moving because of the heavy traffic. Noctis couldn’t help but stare at the teenager, the only one in his visual field. He looked weirdly happy. What could make him smile like that? Was it the withering flowers in front of his camera lens?  
The boy turned his head toward him. Noctis frowned; the boy couldn't possibly see him through his tinted windows, but then his lips moved, forming a word Noctis couldn’t make out. He smiled again, but not as brightly as before. A sad smile.

"What was that...?" Whispered Noctis as the car began to move again.

It wasn't until he reached the Citadel that he understood the word the stranger had said.  
'Soon'.

What was he talking about? The snow? His eighteenth birthday? His death? Oh no, he couldn't possibly know all of that. Then what? And why? Noctis wanted to find out. It was stupid; running after a complete stranger.  
Yeah, he was just going to do that.

"Ignis?  
\- Yes, Noctis?  
\- I have to go.  
\- What? Where? We just arrived- Noctis!"

Noctis ran away from the Citadel. He ran and he honestly hadn't run like that in a long time. He became breathless quickly but he knew he had enough stamina. It wasn't that his body was tired; it was something else: it was his heart. It was how fast it was beating.  
It was beating.

When he reached the park, the blond boy turned toward him slowly, his camera still in his hands, his hair lightly carried by the wind. He had purple eyes, just like the whitered lavenders around them. He stared at Noctis, patiently. His traits were soft, too soft, it whispered gentleness. Now that he could see him properly, Noctis noticed how familiar his face was.  
Somehow Noctis already knew, he just decided to ignore it.

"What... what do you mean soon ?"

Noctis posed a hand on his lips. Why was his voice trembling?

“Soon, everything's gonna change, replied the boy.  
\- W-what ? It doesn't make sense...  
\- It doesn't have to.”

The stranger extended a stalk of lavender towards Noctis and gave a smile. He smiled so brightly, the Prince's chest hurt. It was unfair. He wished he could smile like that too.

"The name's Prompto, I'll be in your care."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I am going to continue this, so comment if you want more I guess?


	2. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noctis guessed he could have a short discussion before the sweet release of death.

**2.**

**Waiting**

 

  
Now Noctis hadn't thought Prompto could change anything. That was why the day after his eighteenth birthday -today, now- Noctis walked towards Insomnia's main river. It was a long one, despite it being not large. It was enough. Standing on the edge, the Prince looked around him. It was calm here, almost peaceful. All he could hear were the sound of the water streaming and the sounds of animals -small, always small- jumping around, eating, moving, living, yet Noctis didn't see them. He just knew they were there. Not that it really mattered in the end.  
He looked up at the sky. Still, no snow.  
It had been a real burden to escape Ignis' wrath and Gladiolus' sharp stare but here he was, alone. They were probably searching for him everywhere right now. It was okay, they would certainly search at the arcade first. It was the only place he went to, outside of school and home.  
  
Now, coming back to Prompto. Noctis knew better than to follow some stranger around. He had left quickly after his introduction, not knowing what to do or what to say. There wasn't much to say anyway. Prompto was most likely just some sort of weird stalker. Or a drug addict. Probably both.  
Noctis hadn't thought they would meet again. He was going to kill himself after all, so chances were low. Prompto had been wrong; nothing changed, nothing was going to change. Change... It was terrifying anyway.  
He looked behind himself. Okay so, maybe he should do it now, it had been a long time he was here. Joining the fishes, this was it. There probably weren’t any deep-sea fishes in there though. He should have gone to the beach. There weren't any oceans near Insomnia, unfortunately.  
  
"What are you waiting for exactly?"  
  
Noctis jumped with surprise. He turned toward his interlocutor who was no one else than Prompto. Of course, Noctis had recognized him at the timbre of his voice. Even though what he had just said could be interpreted as harsh, his voice indicated that it was nothing but genuine worry. The other teenager was sitting on the edge of a big rock, one knee brought back to his chin while his other leg was hanging up in the air, his camera held by a strap around his neck.  
Noctis was defensive.  
  
"Why do you care anyway? And why are you here?  
\- I was just taking some photographs and I saw you, decided to say hello.”  
  
Noctis posed his hands on his own hips, frowning.  
  
"Of all Insomnia you decided to take photographs here?  
\- What's the big deal? I don't think this place belongs to you.”  
\- It kind of does actually.  
\- Oh, right, maybe so.”  
  
The Prince sighed and turned back to the river. This weirdo needed to go, he couldn't do that in front of him; he would try to rescue him for sure.  
Prompto came next to him and sat on the riverbank. Noctis looked down at him, the other looked up. They stared at each other for a moment before the blond pointed the ground with a nod. Noctis stopped himself from rolling his eyes and sat slowly. He guessed he could have a short discussion before the sweet release of death.  
  
"You know, we go to the same school, began Prompto.  
\- Ah?"  
  
He never saw him before.  
  
"Yeah, I see you going to the rooftop sometimes.  
\- And?  
\- That's against the rules, you know.  
\- I'm the Prince.  
\- That doesn't really matter.”  
  
Startled by his answer, Noctis didn't respond and just stared at him with a frown. Prompto was looking down at the water, so the blond didn't see his grimace -or maybe he was just ignoring it-.  
  
"I've been saving up money..." Prompto stopped, unsure, but continued shortly after, "for a trip outside of Insomnia. I think next month I’ll have enough."  
  
Noctis just frowned harder but turned away to hide it.  
  
"Good for you.  
\- I was supposed to go with a friend but they're not really a friend anymore, you know?"  
  
He never had any friends, how could he know?  
  
"So I have enough money for two people.  
\- Just keep the money for something else.  
\- Or you could come with me. It's boring to go alone.  
\- I don't know you and even if I wanted to come along, which I don't-..."  
  
He did.  
  
"I can't. They won't let me.  
\- They?  
\- The people who 'take care' of me. Ignis, my dad, I don't know. People.”  
\- Where are they right now?  
\- Why does it matter?  
\- Shouldn't they be there with you?"  
  
Noctis went silent for an instant before sighting, Prompto wearing a smirk wasn't helping.  
  
"Fine. I ran away from them, just for today.  
\- Great! You can do it again, then!"  
  
The Prince stared at the other teenager as if he was crazy. He was, totally. He couldn't just ask him to run away like it was nothing. Yet he just did.  
  
"... For how long?  
\- A few days, a week maybe, I'll see when I'll pay my bills.  
\- Okay. We’ll see."  
  
After a few minutes of silence, Prompto stood up and dusted off his clothes. He played around with his camera, then turned to Noctis and took a photograph of him. Noctis groaned and hid his face in his arms, Prompto laughed.  
  
"We'll go to Galdin Quay, there's the sea there. I know you want to see the sea.  
\- How do you know?  
\- That's why you came here right? For the water? To be at peace? Sadly we don't have a sea in Insomnia so people come to the river... It's a kind of replacement. No one really loves this river.  
\- Don't try to make me feel empathy for a river.”  
  
Prompto laughed again and kept his camera close to him. He shook his head. Noctis looked away.  
  
"Alright alright, I gotta go. We’ll see each other at school tomorrow right?"  
  
There was a long silence when Prompto was about to speak again, Noctis nodded.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Prompto smiled softly. Noctis stared at his lips.  
  
"Yeah, he repeated.  
\- Okay! See you then.”  
  
The blond walked to a bicycle that Noctis hadn’t even noticed before now. Prompto climbed onto it and away he went. Noctis turned back to the water. It wasn't that deep anyway.  
He took his phone and turned it on. A bunch of texts and missed calls appeared on his screen. Ignoring them, he called Ignis instead.  
A panicked voice answered him almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had written this chapter at the same time as the precedent one so... I'm giving this to you. Thank you all for your kind comments, I'm still not sure if I am going to continue this but I don't think I'm ever gonna be sure so just enjoy the updates if any.  
> I know Prompto seems weird at first and it's the goal, just leave your theories in the comments that'll make me happy. 
> 
> byebye


	3. Luna's Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've never been able to forget you.

**3.**

**Luna's Letters**

 

Ignis slowly took Noctis' hand and hoped his friend would tell him everything. All the nightmares, all the worries, the fears and the sadness... Ignis wished he could take it all on his shoulders. Noctis didn't need to carry that; it was making it impossible to walk tall.  
Yes, Ignis wished he could be of more help for Noct but deep down he knew there wasn't anything else he could do. His friend refused to open up... sometimes Ignis let himself believe it was because he wasn't trustworthy enough but the doubt dissipated every time Noctis posed his head on his shoulder and felt protected enough to sleep. Like right now. The Advisor tightened his grip on Noctis' hand.

Later in the evening, Noctis woke up to the smell of amazing food. He made his way to the kitchen and sat on a stool to stare at Ignis cooking. The bespectacled man was nothing but pure art when he was in his element. Even if Noctis wasn't sure this was truly Ignis' element, after all, he had learned to cook only for him... He realized he didn't know much about Ignis' hobbies. He didn't know much about Ignis at all. He wished he could ask but... he just couldn't. He was too tired to talk, to think about someone else than himself. Was it making sense or was he just selfish? There were days like this one when he couldn't do anything but sleep even if it meant missing school and training and he did feel guilty about that. His guilt wasn't a source of motivation though, it was just another thing that made him feel worthless.  
Ignis shook his thoughts by speaking.

"I see you are awake, did you sleep well?  
\- Hmm.  
\- Glad to hear so. I hope you're hungry."

Noctis nodded and kept staring at him until dinner was ready. They ate in silence, if not for the noises of forks hitting plates. Their meals were almost always silent; not that they didn't have much to say, Ignis could keep a conversation on for hours, but because their time together was supposed to be peaceful. It wasn't always, unfortunately, duty kept pushing his way through, kept being more important than everything else. Yet Ignis managed; meal times had to be restful. Noctis needed that time to clear his mind ... or just to forget, even if it was only for an hour.  
When they finished, Ignis wished him a good night, leaving behind him his hand's warmth on Noct's shoulder.

Noctis dawdled to his bedroom, closing the door in a slow motion. He opened his closet and reached out for a big box. Once sat on his bed, he opened it.  
The Prince flipped through his past correspondence with his best friend. The badly written letters, the scratched words, he could still feel his long-forgotten excitation... A time when writing to Luna was a thing he could do all day.  
They stopped exchanging after Tenebrae's fall, Luna sending him a last goodbye. He hadn't sent anything back since she had become Nifheilm's prisoner... But he answered. Noctis kept writing to her. Even if he wrote less and less, thousands of letters were still waiting for her. Maybe one day she would be able to read them.  
For years, it had been his only reason to live. He knew Lunafreya was alive, Niflheim bragged enough about it... but chances they meet again were low. Too low.  
He reached for his pen and wrote.

_"Luna,_

_I have come to a point where I don't even miss you anymore. I wish I had the strength to avenge you though._  
_I decided to kill myself the other day but someone stopped me. His name is Prompto. He looks like the sun._  
_I'm jealous, I think._

_If I die soon, I want you to know that, despite all those years,_

_I've never been able to forget you._

_Forever Yours._

_Noctis."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small update, that happens. I'm slow because I'm always giving myself one or two chapters written in advance. I hope you're all enjoying your summer vacations!


	4. Hope for Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gods are always angry.

**4.**

**Hope for Sunshine**

 

 

 

Noctis slowly opened his eyelids. He could hear perfectly the drops slipping on his window and the pouring, astounding, strength of rain. Far away in the distance, he could even hear thunder but only if he listened closely. It was surely outside of the wall shielding Insomnia. He groaned and went back to sleep, burring his face in the fluffy pillows.  
The melody emanating from the bad weather didn't stop overwhelming his mind. It felt like the sky was synchronized with him as if it was exteriorizing what he was feeling.  
He straightened up slowly, passing a trembling hand on his face. He was cold. He slipped away from the bed before lazily making his way to the kitchen.

Ignis was already here. His arms were crossed behind his back and he was staring outside the window. Noctis glanced at the clock and sighed at the bright red numbers indicating 6:08 am. His advisor, startled by the sound, turned to him.

"Noct, it's too early, why are you awake ?"

The Prince didn't answer and walked toward him, only to stop in front of the window, one of his hands coming to touch it; but the second his fingers made contact with the cold glass he stepped back. Ignis inspected his friend's face, dark circles were still under his eyes and it seemed nothing could make them disappear. His hair was greasy, and he probably hadn't brushed his teeth since days. He smelled bad. All in all, Noctis just felt gross.  
Nothing to do with the way movies glamorized depression.

"You're early too."

It was almost a whisper and for a moment Ignis didn't quite catch that.

"Oh, well, yes. I couldn't... sleep either."

They both stared outside, silence settling in, but Ignis never liked how awkward this silence was.

"It seems Ramuh is angry today, I wonder why.  
\- Gods are ..."

Noctis frowned.

"Always angry."

Ignis didn't know what to answer.  
When breakfast was made and eaten, Ignis dragged a sleepy Noctis into the bath, washed his hair and let him wash his own body since he had groaned and yelled at him to stop. Frustrated, Ignis decided to wait for him in the living room.  
They were only five minutes late when they finally entered the car, which let the Advisor rather proud.  
On their way to school, Noctis observed Insomnia slowly waking up. Some children were already running around, breakfast in their mouth, their parent yelling at them to wait. Some friends were walking to class together, chatting and smiling though it seemed like they were complaining about the early hour. Finally, they passed in front of the park. A few dog's owners but no sign of a teenager taking photographs.  
As Noctis closed his eyes, he wondered if he was going to see Prompto at school today. He never did before.

The first class was the most boring one so Noctis let himself fall asleep and no one dared to say anything. During the short pause, he just waited for it to end. Second class, he took some notes and the teacher smiled at him before asking him a question about the lesson. Noctis looked down, not knowing the answer and just waited for her to ignore him.

Lunch break came. The rain had stopped. Noctis slowly made his way to the rooftop. There were a few people already here but it was big enough so he didn't have to talk to them. He sat against a wall, taking out the lunch bag Ignis had made for him earlier. Suddenly he wondered why Ignis couldn't sleep and regretted not asking.  
When he attacked his dessert, the sun abruptly blinded him. He put a hand above his eyes.

Insomnia was shining.  
He heard a click.

"This city really is something."

Prompto lowered his camera and turned to Noctis, a big smile decorating his face. The Prince followed the boy's gaze to his lunch bag. It took him a moment but Prompto waited patiently. Finally, he raised his lunch toward Prompto. The latter laughed softly and came to sit beside him, stealing a bite of Noct's tartlet. He made obnoxious sounds.

"Oh my god, this is, like, so good? Dude, where did you buy that?  
\- It's my ... advisor who... made it.  
\- He is such a good cook, this is the best thing I've ever tasted."

It was weird how Prompto was making a mountain out of a molehill and yet he seemed sincere. Noctis felt strange.

"I usually just eat whatever so I may not be very unbiased, true. Like I just ate a sandwich with salad, tomatoes, and mayo."

Noctis made a face at that.

"How can you... just eat vegetables?  
\- When I'm hungry I can eat anything, seriously, haha! I'll eat the grass if I had to.  
\- ... Don't do that.  
\- Yeah right? Not a very brilliant idea."

The raven stared at his last tartlet a moment before glancing at Prompto. He was staring at the sky with his usual bright smile. Noctis hesitated before giving his dessert to the blond. Surprised, the latter took it and thanked his comrade with a shy laugh.  
Noctis brought back his knees to his chin and looked away...

"Here."

Only to look back at Prompto who was giving him one half of the tartlet. The young man was smiling like an idiot again but this time it didn't bother Noctis as much as it did before. He took it and nodded, staying silent. Prompto hummed and proceeded to talk excitedly about various things. The Prince just couldn't catch up but it didn't matter what Prompto was saying, as long as he was talking.  
Noctis did understand one sentence though.

"Look at how the sun shines; tomorrow is going to be an even brighter day!"

When they parted to finish classes, when it began to rain again, when he entered the car, when he let himself fall on his bed, when Morpheus embraced him anew, the words resonated within him.

"Look at how the sun shines; tomorrow is going to be an even brighter day!"

In his sleep, he dreamed of Luna, both of them playing in a lavender's field. Instead of the usual moonless night, they were greeted by the sun.

 


	5. To be selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We tried to heal each other, though it never really worked, just trying made life brighter.

**5.**

**To be selfish**

 

 

Noctis blinked. His gaze followed the drop of sweat on Gladio's forehead. It fell on his cheek and then on the ground. Gladiolus was panting hard, clearly exhausted after his training with one of the glaives. Noctis turned his head toward the latter, who was having another fight with his comrade. Sounds of daggers colliding and ragged breaths filled the room. The Prince was a bit tired himself, even if he only fought with his Shield a few minutes. In the past, he couldn't even last one minute, so... he guessed he was making progress... though he knew it wasn't enough.

A strong hand on his shoulder shook his thoughts away.

 

"Tired already? Aren't you being lazy, Noct?"

 

The raven could only look away at that. 

 

"Don't tease him."

 

Ignis entered the room and throw a towel at the older man, who just chuckled.

 

"You're babying him too much, Iggy.

\- I am not."

 

The subject faded away and their attentions were diverted by the fight in front of them. That didn't stop Ignis from wiping the sweat from Noct's neck.

The young man stared in awe at the glaives who were almost disappearing under his eyes with how fast they were. They looked like they were having fun, even though it probably hurt. Nyx was smiling. When he was using the warp strike, he was making clear that he was in his element. Was he? This was supposed to be a royal power only... Noctis couldn't blame him though. As long as he was using it wisely.

 He turned his head toward Gladiolus. Even his Shield was watching the fight with big eyes as if he was envious of them... Noctis thought he was good enough already. Gladiolus was strong; a bit hot-blooded but he was also smart, he loved reading, especially history books. He would have made a good Prince. Ignis too, he was kind, understanding and forgiving... and way much smarter than anyone he knew. Hell, even Nyx could have been a good Prince, he was the typical courageous hero who learned from his journey...

Noctis sighed. Well, he wouldn't want this responsibility on their shoulders, no matter if they would handle it well or not.

 

"Noctis was out of it, as usual, but..."

 

The raven frowned and glanced at Gladiolus once more, catching him in a conversation with Ignis.

 

"He looked less in pain, I think. As if he was thinking about something good. Were you thinking about ice cream, Noct?"

 

Both Gladiolus and Ignis were smirking and Noctis looked down with a pout. He had a thing for sweets, true.

 

"Something good happened to you, maybe?" asked Ignis.

 

Good? He wasn't sure. He didn't know if he should tell them about Prompto... They were kind of protective, always thinking anyone approaching him had a hidden motive. If Prompto acted strangely, he would tell them, but so far, he could handle that alone.

 

"Nothing special...

\- Alright... oh yes, your Highness, your father wanted to talk to you as soon as you finished your training. Do you want me to accompany you?

\- Nah... I'm fine. I'm going."

 

Noctis knew that if Ignis asked instead of just coming without a word, it was because he didn't want to. He probably wanted to spend some time with Gladiolus. The Prince sighed deeply and stood up, leaving the room slowly. He wondered what his father wanted to talk about. They used to talk a lot before... Every three days or so, King Regis would take one hour only to know what was going in his son's little head. Noctis wasn't sure if they stopped because he was becoming more and more silent or because his father was becoming more busy and ill. Probably all three. He used to feel guilty about that but as with everything, Noctis finished by being... insensitive about the subject. Maybe there was a way to fix that. Maybe not. He couldn't try even if he wanted to.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to. It sounded tiring.

He walked down the corridors, slowly making his way to the throne's room.

When he arrived, his father was proudly sitting on his royal chair. Everything about his posture shouted power. Noctis hated this because he wished it was true, but everyone knew it was only a mask. King Regis was weak. Secretly, almost silently, people wondered when he was going to die and what was going to happen after that. None of them were crazy enough to find Noctis fitting for his role but a kingdom without a King was nothing more than a sky without a sun. Cold and deadly.

Noctis frowned and closed his eyelids a few seconds to focus. Slowly but with grace, because he was always trying too hard for his father, he walked to the throne.

 

"Father... You asked to see me.

\- Indeed, my son. We need to talk."

 

Once they were in a private room, alone, both their shoulders fell down. They sat in front of the other, eyes already sad, though Regis was trying to keep a smile.

 

"Noctis... I have never told you... about your mother.

\- ... Yeah.

\- Then listen to me."

 

He had always been curious about Aulea, he always tried to know more about her, but his father always shut down whenever he brought her up. With time, Noctis let it go. So, today, he was interested in what his father had to say but at the same time he feared it, why now? what had changed?

 

"The first time I saw your mother, she was crying. She had... blood on her hands and dust in her hair. She was surrounded by ruins and corpses. Her family, her friends, her entire village... My soldiers were behind me, all of them were alive. We were too late."

 

The King's eyes were already wet and Noctis could only frown.

 

"Yet when she looked at me, there was nothing sad in her. There were only anger and fury. She hated me deeply, maybe even more than she hated the ones who took everything from her.

She became a refugee and was the only one we brought back to Insomnia. At first, it was out of guilt that I cared for her. I made her stay in the Citadel for a few months... She was always in the gardens. The only place where she could close her eyes and imagine she was still home."

 

Noctis was staring down, his hands trembling. He knew his mother was a refugee but to know her story was another thing. It hurt and it was weird because he didn't even know her. What did she look like when she wasn't pampered for a photograph? Was she ... was she like him? Was she always ... so sad?

 

"With time, her eyes became tender. Yet ... she thought I loved her only out of pity. It wasn't the case..., he smiled, I loved... I loved everything about her. I loved the way she could get so enthusiast when she was cooking. I loved when she greeted a dog before greeting a human. I loved her smile, as rare as it could get. I loved when she was talking about her family, about how her little brother used to love drawing. I loved... and I love.

When Cleigne was attacked, this time, I arrived at the right time. There were a lot of ... my friends who died there. Who died protecting children and families and although I knew it was the right thing to do, it still hurt. I couldn't think straight anymore and I hated that I had to be... King."

 

This time they locked eyes and Noctis let out tears of relief, knowing that this title still was a burden even for someone worthy.

 

"But she kept loving me. We tried to heal each other, though it never really worked, just trying made life brighter."

 

Regis reached out to wipe his son's sobs and then took his hands in his. Noctis felt how strong they used to be and how feeble they were today. It only made him cry more.

 

"Dad...

\- I only wish for you to meet someone like this... Someone with who you could share your pain. I... am sorry that I cannot be that person. You've always been dear to me but I wasn't there for you enough; it may be selfish but I think that... sometimes, when you keep trying and trying and it's not working, you don't have to feel guilty about it. I did what I could... and you did what you could too."

 

Noctis held on his father's hands, searching for the strength to speak, to not disappoint more. Although he had hated Regis for years for not being present enough, Noctis could only do what he did best: abandon. He abandoned all the hatred and all the bitterness. Now he was free to love and forgive, to understand better, to try to change things... and if he didn't succeed, then at least he knew his father would understand too.

 

"Why...? Why are you saying this now...?

\- I... I am dying, Noctis. I just wanted you to know that, if she was still alive today, Aulea would have my back. She would have been... a greater sovereign than me."

 

Noctis shook his head.

 

"I have no one-

\- Then choose an ally and take this burden off your shoulders.

\- I don't deserve this freedom, I can't be that selfish-"

 

Regis walked to him and knelt down, taking his son's head between his hands to press their foreheads together.

 

"Noctis. If I had to remember one thing I learned through my life, it would be that:

 

Sometimes, just because you exist, you deserve to be selfish."

 

 


	6. Let's jump together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The water was shining, thanks to the sun high in the blue sky, the trees were bright green, the grass was softly caressed by the wind and yet- Noctis, he was all gray.

6.

**Let's jump together**

 

Prompto snapped a photograph. Noctis slowly turned his gaze to him, arching an eyebrow. The blond lowered his camera.  
  
"You look sad."  
  
The Prince didn't answer and returned his gaze to the river in front of him. They were back at this place, except a little more upstream. Noctis didn't know how he ended up here. He didn't know why was Prompto here.  
He inhaled some fresh air.  
  
"What are you going to do with these? Sell them to some paparazzi?"  
  
Prompto looked outright offended by the proposition. He shook his head, looking one more time at his camera's screen, staring at the picture he had taken. The water was shining, thanks to the sun high in the blue sky, the trees were bright green, the grass was softly caressed by the wind and yet- Noctis, he was all gray.

"No, they're for my eyes only."  
  
Noctis frowned, not sure of what that meant. He didn't ask. A moment passed and Noctis laid down, letting a cold shiver travel through his body. This beautiful scenery was stressing him out. The wind was annoying. The sun was burning his skin. The water's sounds were calm and soft but to his own ears, they were strong, destructive, inviting him to jump. He only stayed for the bright lavender eyes looking down at him.  
Noctis felt warmth crawling onto his side. He opened one eye and looked at Prompto now laying down next to him, on his own side. His hands were between them, camera tossed out, fingers playing nervously with each other, as if trying to control themselves, trying not to reach out. When Prompto didn't say anything, Noctis slowly laid on his side too. Before he could wonder why his classmate looked so terrified, he spoke up.  
  
"You still want to jump."  
  
Noct tried to be surprised but he wasn't, really. It was obvious. Everyone knew. No one dared say it out loud though. Well no one until now.

  
"What are you waiting for then, Noct ?"  
  
That surprised him. His eyes went wide as he felt Prompto coming closer, though it was just to stand up in the end. Holding his breath, Noctis slowly straightened up and stared at Prompto walking to the river. His steps were brutal, heavy. He looked furious. He almost teared apart his shirt but instead just throw his cravat on the ground. He removed his shoes too.  
  
"What are you waiting for?" He repeated, louder, but this time his voice cracked and Noctis could only stare, taken aback, not understanding what was happening.  
  
Because he was not answering, Prompto walked to the water. He looked down at it. It was deep and there was current, not too much but enough to take him away if he didn't fight back. Noctis stood up.  
  
"What are you doing?  
- I'm gonna jump.  
- What? Why?"  
  
This time it was Prompto's turn not to answer. He inhaled and did it. He jumped in the river. Noctis ran to him, heart destroying its ribcage. Prompto's head came out of the water and he deeply inhaled, his hand immediately grabbing at the nearest boulder. He was safe. He laughed. Noctis stared at him with confusion.  
  
"What the fuck, dude?"  
  
Prompto abstained his laugh but he was still wearing that so charismatic smirk of his.  
  
"I wanted to understand why you wanted to jump so badly. I understand now! The water is fresh. It feels good."  
  
The raven let out a sigh he didn't know he was holding, shaking legs given up as he slowly sat on the grass, feet dipping into the water, toes curling in.  
  
"You're crazy..." He said in a breath, a little laugh following.  
  
Prompto just grinned and a second later he was holding his hand out to Noctis. The Prince bit his lips and shook his head. Prompto insisted and this time Noct softly said no. Prompto didn't pull back though, he was patient. Stabilizing his breath, Noctis took his time to slowly get into the water, removing his pointy shoes, his jacket and his cravat too. He shivered and gasped when the cold water abruptly surrounded him, taking him past Prompto and making him panic for a few seconds, just the time for the blond to take his hand and bring him back to the boulder.  
  
"I got you."  
  
Noctis nodded and literally hugged the big rock, appreciating how strong the water was now that he was safe. It felt like it was taking all his filth with it. Prompto chuckled and Noctis couldn't help chuckling back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fuck when you take one month to write this poor chapter


	7. Gladioli, Lavenders and Sylleblossoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have written this over and over again, trying to find the right words, trying to explain everything, trying to express how much I missed you.

**7.**

**Gladioli, Lavenders and Sylleblossoms**

 

Gladioli. There were so many, all of them of a different color, creating a rainbow. Noctis remembered planting those seeds, many years ago. Well, not them but some that probably had wilted while he was in his coma.

 

Coming back into the Citadel's gardens; Noctis had known it would bring unpleasant memories. It was alright though, he was used to them by now. He couldn't think too much by his Shield's side anyway.

 

"Admiring my flowers, huh, Prince Noctis?

\- They're not your flowers. They're flowers.

\- Gladioli. Like my name, ya know, Gladiolus.

\- I know."

 

Gladiolus leaned in, hands on his hips, staring at the flowers with an arched eyebrow as if trying to understand why Noctis was so distracted by them. The Prince was on his knees, hands on the grass, nose sniffing their smell. They smelled good. After a moment like this, Gladiolus joined him, sitting and then crossing his arms.

 

"I actually know flower's language, he declared.

\- You do? Noctis couldn't help but smirk.

\- Yeah. I read a novel years ago... Main character was way too much into that. Got me interested, I made some research.

\- So? What do Gladioli mean?"

 

The older man reached out. His calloused fingers gently touching the petals.

 

"The gladiolus flower has always been associated with swords. With Gladiators. It symbolizes _honor_ and _sincerity_ ... and _infatuation._

\- Oh my god. It's you, it's really you.

\- The fuck you mean, brat?

\- Your infa... infatu... your crush on Ignis. Even the flowers agree with me."

 

The Shield stared at Noctis with an emotionless expression before slapping the back of his head. Noctis yelped and rubbed the place with a pout. There was a short silence.

 

"I mean it... mumbled Noctis, your parents really chose the right name.

\- Yeah well they always knew I was going to become the King's Shield.

\- I'm not talking about the sword thing..."

 

Gladiolus looked at Noctis with a little knowing smile before gently passing an arm around his shoulders. He gave him a squeeze.

 

"I know what you mean. Thanks, Noct."

 

The raven let himself bask in his friend's embrace. He smelled as good as the flowers, though less ... floral. He smelled like warm fire, like burning wood. Like long winter days. Like family gathered for Christmas. He smelled like home, somehow.

Noctis hugged him, knowing Gladiolus would never return it. Indeed, his friend coughed and gently patted his back. Noctis let go and simply laid his head on his Shield's shoulder, trying to convince himself it was enough.

 

"Gladio...

\- Yeah?

\- Do you know the meaning of ... lavender?

\- I do. Why does it interest you?

\- ... I made a dream about a lavender's field last week."

 

The boy closed his eyes. He knew there were some lavenders in this garden and he didn't want to see them. Not as long as he didn't know what they meant. They were too omnipresent those days... It was a bit scary. Though Noctis knew there probably wasn't any good reason to be scared of such pretty flowers.

 

"Lavenders... _Purity_."

 

Noctis bit his lips hard. He thought of Prompto's purple eyes, of his bright smile.

 

" _Serenity_."

 

He thought of yesterday, of the calm water, of the sun, of the wind, of Prompto's lips slowly moving to form meaningful words.

 

" _Devotion._ "

 

He thought of tomorrow and he hoped.

 

"Lavenders are associated with _higher purpose_... with _spiritual connectivity_."

 

Noctis slowly opened his eyes and was blinded by the sun for a moment. Blinking, he glared back at it. The sky was so clear it was almost white.

 

"But above all, lavenders mean _healing_ , Noctis."

 

***

 

They had continued to discuss flower's meaning for a while and were ready to head out of the gardens when Umbra appeared.

Noctis went on his knees and greeted his dog with a small smile, petting his head and hugging him. It had been weeks since he had seen him.

 

"Umbra, where were you? You can't disappear like that, you know.

\- Hey Noct, look, it's holding something."

 

Noctis frowned and took out some weird notebook from Umbra's teeth.

 

"What is this...?"

 

He quickly inspected its exterior, it was of a blue-violet color and a dried flower was on the front cover. It seemed vaguely familiar. Curiously, the notebook seemed expansive. He opened it to the first page.

 

 

_''Dear Noctis,_

 

_I have written this over and over again, trying to find the right words, trying to explain everything, trying to express how much I missed you._

_But maybe I should begin simply._

 

_I am back._

 

_Your everlasting friend,_

 

_Lunafreya.''_

 

Noctis felt on his knees, letting out a sob. He tightened the notebook and hold it close to his chest.

He remembered now, this dried flower, a sylleblossom.

 

_Infinite hope._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I take forever updating don't hate me  
> next chapter will be pure fluff (with the usual light angst that goes with depression ccchhttt)


	8. Icarus and the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why do you act like no one never told you it wasn't your fault?"

**8.**

**Icarus and the Sun**

 

 

"Come on, Prince Noctis, you can do it."

 

He knew he couldn't. His back was aching so much, a reminder of his unforgettable accident. His legs were burning, his lungs too. He had trained with Gladiolus just the day before, his exhaustion was justified and yet he couldn't forgive his weakness. He couldn't even follow a simple sports class.

How pathetic could he get?

 

"Alright, alright, breathe. Just go sit on the bench, it's okay." His teacher said.

 

He sighed and did as told. The rest of his classmates continued to run in circles in the field, complaining while they did so. A few of them looked his way, eyebrows furrowed in worry, some in jealousy. Noctis closed his eyes as he caught his breath back.

When they were on the other side of the field, Noctis walked away. He knew the way back to school. He didn't have classes anymore but maybe Prompto did... maybe he'll be there, somewhere.

 

Two steps into the school and Prompto was already jumping at Noct's side, grinning from ear to ear. Noctis sighed lightly, a small smile spreading on his lips.

They walked to the rooftop.

 

Noctis was sweaty and the wind was freezing him, he didn't make any move to change that and while it was bothering him, he thought maybe it wasn't that important, not when the sky was of a pretty red like that. He turned his head to Prompto, who was already looking at him. He arched an eyebrow.

 

"How come I always find you when I'm searching for you?"

 

The blond perked up, ears moving slightly at the sound of that. He smiled more.

 

"You were looking for me?

\- What? No. No, I didn't say that.

\- You did though!"

 

Prompto laughed and Noctis let him have that, too embarrassed to have a good comeback anyway. He stared at the sky again. He wondered why it never looked pretty like this when he was home.

 

After a while, Noctis noticed the silence and wondered why Prompto hadn't filled it yet. It wasn't awkward by any mean, it was actually comfortable but he was used to his friend's rambling. Maybe it was his turn to talk for once. That was why he searched for Prompto anyway, wasn't it? To complain?

Oh, it was more than that. He fidgeted with his hands nervously and inhaled deeply. He exhaled.

 

"The first time I saw her, I thought she would be like anybody."

 

Prompto turned his head toward him, listening attentively.

 

"She was, somehow. She didn't treat me any different. She was always worried I would hurt myself, she called me Prince Noctis and she insisted that I should be proud of my responsibilities. She sounded like my dad, like Ignis, like anyone I knew.

\- But there was something else about her.

\- Yeah, there was. She was just... genuinely herself. She didn't try to become important to me. She just became. It's silly. We were children. We haven't seen each other in more than ten years. Why do I care about her so much?

\- I don't know, man. Does it matter why?

\- Do you think it does?"

 

Prompto shook his head, still smiling.

 

"Why do you care? Hmm... More like why wouldn't you?"

 

Noctis looked down, unsure. They stayed silent for a while.

 

"You're talking about Lady Lunafreya, right? Asked Prompto.

\- Yeah.

\- She sounds like she would make a good Queen."

 

The Prince looked up in surprise and laughed then, though it has no humour in it.

 

"Funny that you would talk about it. My father and I had a discussion about marriage, not so long ago."

 

Prompto gasped, looking scandalized.

 

"Do you have to marry yet?! You're only eighteen!"

 

Noctis laughed.

 

"No, not yet, thanks Astrals!"

 

Their giggles faded away.

 

"I don't know if I can talk to you about it."

 

Prompto shrugged, turning around so he had his back against the fence.

 

"I'm not going to run to the nearest tabloid to sell them some information. They wouldn't believe me anyway. I'm nobody. And I don't want to do that.

\- W-why not ? Noctis stuttered.

\- Because I care about you, silly!"

 

The blond laughed. Noctis blushed, looking with surprise and confusion at his friend, who only laughed harder.

 

"W-what? why?!

\- Why do I care about you?"

 

Noctis nodded. Prompto grinned brightly like he always did.

 

"Why wouldn't I?"

 

The Prince gasped which made Prompto laugh again. The raven-haired boy couldn't help but laugh too, very softly, because he was very embarrassed. He bumped his shoulder against his friend. He placed his head on his friend's shoulder. Prompto placed his on Noct's.

There was another silence, another comfortable one. Noctis felt like breathing anew. Enough so he could talk again.

 

"My father suggested I should give full powers to my future partner.

\- Why?

\- Because I'm too weak.

\- You're just sick."

 

Noctis startled, his hands immediately gripping Prompto's arm for support. Prompto wrapped an arm around Noctis, taking him into a hug. The Prince whined softly, feeling tears forming in his eyes. He didn't want to cry. If he could see Prompto's face properly, he would have seen that his friend's expression looked as broken as his.

 

"Why do you act like no one never told you it wasn't your fault?" Prompto asked, voice shaken, obviously moved.

 

Noctis teared up. Prompto hugged him tighter, wrapping both arms around his body this time. They stayed like that for who knows how long.

 

For the first time in forever, it felt good to cry.

 

Sniffling, Noctis pulled back.

 

"I wouldn't even know who to ask.

\- What about your Advisor or your Shield?

\- I don't love them, not like that. They wouldn't deserve this burden on their shoulders anyway. I don't know what to do."

 

Prompto hummed, thinking for a moment. Noctis stared at him, waiting as if his friend had all the answers. It was probably very selfish of him to think that. Maybe Prompto couldn't help him and that should be fine.

 

"Noctis, do you want to be King?"

 

Noctis frowned. What kind of question was that?

 

"It's not about what I want, Prompto. I'm too weak. We're talking about a whole country there, I could never...

\- But do you want to ?"

 

He inhaled deeply. Did he want to ? He never really thought about it. Though there wasn't much to think about. It was already pretty clear.

 

"Of course, I want to. I want to prove them all wrong ... but that's a selfish motive and like I said it doesn't matter what I want."

 

Prompto smiled and jumped around Noctis with excitation, settling behind him to wrap his arms around his neck.

 

"Well, I think you would make a great King! You care about the well-being of your friends and your country... but not enough about yours. Sounds like what a good King would do!"

 

Noctis blushed and put trembling hands on Prompto's arms, looking behind in hope of seeing a bit of those comforting lavenders eyes.

 

He did, they shined so brightly Noctis remembered what he wrote to Luna not so long ago.

 

_He looks like the sun._

He definitely did.

 

When Noctis got home that night, he touched himself, remembering the strength of Prompto's arms around his body. As he reached orgasm, Noctis was pretty sure that, just like Icarus, he was going to get burned.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo I know I take forever to update it be like that sometimes  
> Please leave a comment, it makes me want to write! It makes me write faster!!


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